Yesterday was one of those days that were so crappy for me that it was almost comical. I had an appointment with an ENT to see if he could figure out what is growing in my throat. A small alien comes to mind but if it is, it�s still in an embryonic stage. Last week I went to the med unit with what I thought was typical swollen lymph or something. Well, they said it could be that, or maybe a cyst, or maybe a blockage in my saliva gland, or maybe a family of sea monkeys. After a week of children�s antibiotics (because that�s all they had) the lump in my throat was still there. So off to the specialist I went.

I should�ve known what I�d be in for after 2 mega cups of coffee. I use a soup mug actually. Emily stayed home from school so I had to go pick up Glen at 11:45 because I would be taking public (transportation) the rest of the way while he took Emi home. I called as I was nearing the corner to the Embassy and he told me to just wait outside of the Embassy parking to save time. Well, the Embassy is right next to a Psychology University and there is only a one-way street. There was no parking and cars were behind me honking so I had to move. I thought I would turn around at the corner but 2 trolleys blocked me so I was forced across the main street. Every freakin road was a one-way going opposite of the way I need to go till I was lost and cussing up a storm. That�s where my Tourrettes comes in.

Glen called, �where are you honey?�

�WHERE AM I???? I�m FREAKIN LOST GOING DOWN FREAKIN ONE-WAY STREETS $%^%%^*NO &*$%@# PARKING ANYWHERE! FLIPPITY FREAKIN STUPID BAGEL HEAD MO FO LOST!�

From the back seat, �I heard that Mommy. Potty mouth.�

�Just calm down hun. Where are you?�

�I�m *^&$^&*($*#! LOST! Oh wait, I know this street. Let me turn around�

However these streets are shared with trolleys and busses and Eskimos with dog sleds so they have these bumps or curves in the middle of the road. I had to backtrack quite a ways before I could turn around. So then I go to pick him up and he drops me off at Schottentor where there are trolleys, subways and busses. I had a map to get on the #2. I wasn�t aware that there was a #2U-bahn (subway) as well as a #2Shnellbahn (trolley) I think I spelled that right. Anyway, I was supposed to get on the trolley and I got on the Subway. Glen called again. �So how goes it? Are you alright?�

�I think I�m on the wrong number 2. No I KNOW I�m on the wrong one. Just kill me now please�

So I got off at the next stop and it took me 10 minutes just to figure out how to get to the other side of the subway tracks. I would have just hopped down and run across the tracks but everyone who knows me, knows MY luck. I would�ve been Alana Salami. I got on the other subway and headed back. Did I mention how much I had to pee at this point from the coffee? Well, yea. I had to pee. I found the #2 trolley and was on the right path. I even got off at the right stop. I wondered a block up the street till I realized I was on the wrong side.

Finally I found the office and went inside. I had to pee so bad that I ran to the bathroom fumbled for a light, couldn�t find it and peed in the dark. I may have even peed on my foot a bit. Wouldn�t be the first time at all.

I went in to see the doctor and all his gadgets were primitive to say the least. Everything was big and metal and he had to warm it on a metal warmer thing from the 50s or 60s. He poked and prodded and said in his heavy Austrian accent, �Hmmm, I don kno vat dis is eider. Very intresting though,no? You take some inflammatory paste I give you, ya? And if dis ting in your neck is no gone then Ve do Ultrasound. Ya? Gut. But I have never seen dis before.�

And that was it. I was done. I walked outside and called Glen to tell him the happy news. I lost my sense of direction and was confused as to where to hop back on the trolley. As I was talking to Glen I said �I�m FREAKIN LOST AGAIN!� and with that, my foot buckled on the curb and I fell in the street. Did I mention it was raining? Well, at least it wasn�t on an extremely busy main street where everyone could see. Oh wait, yes it was. My mouth spewed cuss words the way Satan spews fire. It was raining and I was cold and I crunched my knee a good one. I even got the fresh envelope with the bill inside nice a dirty and wet.

I did find the trolley and made it back to Schottentor. There was a McD*nalds across the street and I got some potato wedges with sour cream dip that turned out to be mayonnaise. When I got off the trolley I went to the video place to rent some movies. On the way out, the rain picked up. I had Glens umbrella so I opened up and stood to wait for the bus. The wind blew and the umbrella flipped inside out or backwards and I was getting rained on and had this crazy urge to throw the defective umbrella down and stomp the living sh*t out of it. But I didn�t. Wasn�t like I was on a busy street where everyone could see. Oh yea, I was. As I walked toward the bus I dropped a movie and stepped on it. At this point laughing was my only option. I rode the bus home and hobbled up the hill. We watched the movies and by nightfall it was snowing. Again. Sigh. What a day. But the movie was good. It was called IDENTITY. I like John Cusack anyway.

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