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I hate it when that happens.
2007-01-12 - 9:48 a.m.

Let me start by saying in my defense, the gym is totally empty mid-day. Everyone is working. All the children are in school. The gym is located in the basement of the Embassy. Since I only work part time, I almost always am alone in there. Almost.

So when I’m working out I wear my iPod and get lost in my own little musical fantasy world. I found this really helps to make the time go by and the workout less monotonous. I listen to all types of music but when I need to press myself a little harder, I prefer rock or singers with what I’ll call (hard voices). Examples for me are:
Hero of the day – Metallica
Hero – Nickelback
Blurry – Puddle of Mud

You get the idea. But when I want to really kick it up a notch I like it harder and faster. Workouts can be kind of sexual like that, the way you sweat and your heart races, your muscles ache from the constant movement, the thoughts of Bam Megara….Oh, ahem well you know what I mean. OK so for the notch kicking I like songs like Animals by Nickelback or my new favorite; Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry.

There I was doing some heavy duty stretching after an hour on the treadmill. Crazy Bitch came on and I started getting my groove on, really getting my ass into it as I stretched. I sometimes sing along and this was one of those times. Hey, I said I’m alone in there. So with my ass facing the door up in full swing I’m belting out
Hey, you’re a crazy bitch
But ya F*ck so good
I’m on top of it
When I dream
I’m doin you all night
Scratches all down my back
Will keep me right on

You’re crazy
But I like the way you f*ck me

When in walks a family on TDY here with their two small boys. They were touring the place. The mother had a mortified look on her face. I tried to casually put my butt down and go about normal stretching quietly. I’ll never forget the look on the boys’ face after they heard the f-word out of my mouth. The father seemed a bit amused. Me? I’m just glad they left the building. Nobody around here should know my secrets like the fact that I do a little disco number on the treadmill to “Dancing Queen”.

And in other news, the Tooth Fairy is one forgetful bitch. Emily pulled out a tooth the other day. We put it in a glass of water on the shelf for the tooth fairy. This is a little trick I learned from when I was a kid. My mom used to do it so she could take tooth/slip money without ever entering my room and risk waking me up.

But yea, Glen put it on the shelf and we forgot until the next morning. Em rose earlier than usual and ran down to the living room. I said Dads in the other room not realizing what she was up to. She turned to face me with a disappointed look on her face and said “the tooth fairy forgot me.”
“No, she may have just been bust last night; we’ll leave it out for tonight and see”

I then cursed myself silently of course. I went upstairs to shower and get ready for work. When Glen realized the mistake he ran upstairs, got some coins, ran down and placed them in the glass practically right in front of her. She didn’t see though. When I came down she showed me the coins.
“Look Mom! There were no coins, and then there were! But how did she get in here?”
“I dunno, Em. Maybe she’s invisible. Weird.”

In that moment I looked at here and in her big blue eyes I saw it. Just a glint in the corner but it was defiantly there. It was her epiphany; the little light bulb that flickered on with the realization that she figured it out. She gave me a slight smile and a look that said, “Lady, I know who the real Tooth Fairy is now.” Dude, I wasn’t ready for her to go there yet. Next she’ll be questioning the whole Easter Bunny/Santa Claus business and it will mark the end of childhood innocence. Shit.

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