Ok, I�m back and ready to share. A little anyway. First and foremost I wanted to say that this baby was indeed planned. The only surprise is that it only took 3 months to conceive. I had many check-ups, physicals and poking and prodding done in Africa. I am 35, overweight and have high blood pressure. My husband is a smoker. The Dr. estimated a year possibly two if at all. She also wanted me to go to a fertility specialist over the summer while I was in the states. I didn�t because I wanted to go with the �if it happens it happens, if it doesn�t to just go on and be happy with the 3 darlings I have� mantra. Turns out, God blessed me with it happening and in a short amount of time. So I was trying to wrap my head around the reality of it since it�s been so long. I�m also in the �Can I really go through this again AND at my age??� crowd.

I am happy, really I am. I think? I have been having that hung-over, dizzy, still a little buzzed feeling without the benefit of the party the night before. Unless you consider tossing, turning, and getting up to pee 8 times a night a party. Personally, I don�t. I haven�t had any morning sickness and I don�t think I will (knock on wood) because I�m nearly 7 weeks and haven�t been sick per say. Some smells are gawd awful but not enough to make me barf or anything. I was sick from start to end with both girls and once or twice with my son. Me thinks this is a boy. I�ve yet to be wrong but we shall see. My gut is really going with a boy. I don�t have a preference other than a healthy baby. The older two are happy about it except feeling awkward at being teens with a �knocked-up� mom. My son intends to avoid me the entire time I nurse so he doesn�t have to see Mom boobs. Nothing personal he says because he also has no desire to see grandma, sister, or anyone related boobs. Speaking of boobs, mine are killing me. If anything even slightly touches my nipples if feels like they are being ripped right off or set on fire. Whichever hurts worse? I remember boob pain from pregnancies past I just don�t remember this searing freaking pain night and day 24/7.

I�m bloated. The bloat doesn�t go away. I can only wear sweats right now. Suddenly all my jeans are too tight but I�m still swimming in maternity clothes. I look like I would be 5 months, not 7 weeks. It�s embarrassing so I have been staying home a lot. Yes I know the baby is the size of a pea. That�s why I�m embarrassed. I have put on 4-5 pounds in the last 2 weeks. Did I mention I�m already over weight? Yea? Good. I do have a treadmill here (finally). Got a quarter size blister on my ankle and have had to keep shoes off for a few days. Tomorrow I�ll start again but I�m in that freakin tired stage. Sigh.

I thought I was doing well keeping the �pregnant hormones� in place until today. I was watching �Family Guy�. It was the one where Peter finds out he has black ancestors and gets paid off by his FIL. He uses the money to remodel his house after Pee-Wees Playhouse. He opens the �Jambee� box and Brian (the talking dog) is in there and he says �Mekka-lekka Hi, Mekka Hidey �.I hate you� and in that moment, husnabd asked me a question. I started laughing at the tv and crying my eyes out at the same time. The kids were all �What�s wrong mom?� I sobbed �I don�t know�. Then I was just laughing and bawling. I�m fine until the most random silly thing came on and I�m a wet, hysterical mess. If I didn�t feel pregnant before, I sure do now. Or am I just insane? Duh na na, duh na na�..

One other thing. I didn�t have internet for my other 3 which was good (and bad). The good was that I didn�t have Google to freak out on every little thing, and I didn�t get snarky comments from strangers for any of the choices I made. Now that I don�t have family around it has been very helpful to have internet and the support I have found. I also learned that I was apparently jealous about things. I used to think blinkies and tickers were stupid and show-offish. I think I was just jealous because I had no reason for the stuff. Now, I have a page with a ticker! And two blinkies! And a growing bubblebaby! Not here because this is an �everything� journal and not simply a pregnancy journal. But I feel happy and silly about my blinkies at the same time.
I will update on here occasionally about it. I want to try to keep this journal about this and that and anything. I have had some stressors but they have been few. All in all, I think that sums it up. My next post will be on Madrid. So for now, good night. May I sleep with minimal waking.

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