There are two recent incidents that have had me feeling like a total weenie. The first has to do with my esteem and the second well, you�ll just have to read on before you can say Yup, she�s a weenie.

The first was yesterday when my husband came home to share a whimsical story about how this marine (the one who flirted with me) was totally tongue tied and drop jawed over a young girl who walked by. Me being a woman with a wonky thought process that runs like a train till it wrecks started thinking (and saying),
�Oh sure, kick a woman when she�s down. Remind me that no one is gonna drop their jaw when I walk by. It�s cuz I�m old and fat right? He only flirted with me to humor my old fat butt, is that it?........� and so on and so forth.

You get the picture. And then I cried. And I don�t even have PMS. My poor husband. He just thought something was funny and I turned into all about me and my newest issues. I think some of it might have to do with me going off the juice last week. I slipped into my old habits of salami sandwiches extra cheese and chips. I have felt like emotional spew. Just proves once again how what you eat affects the way you feel. At least that�s my excuse for now.

The second weenie moment came when after watching another episode of General Hospital. I have never watched soaps my entire life. Since you all know I have 6 channels during the day channel surfing is limited. I came across this soap with this really hot guy being held captive in a cabin and I was hooked. This is not like me AT ALL. But this guy, his dark skin, tattoos and dark penetrating eyes just�well yea. He sort of reminded me of like a brother to Dave Matthews. His name is Tyler Christopher. Anyway, I have watched this soap for a year and even caught him in an episode of CSI where he took on this southern accent and dressed like a cowboy. Hamina hamina hamina� Alright, so the weenie part. I found his official web site and actually left a message to him in his guestbook. OK so when did I turn 12?

When I was 12 I wrote a fan letter to Rick Schroeder and sent it to the address I got straight out of Tiger Beat magazine. He never wrote back. I didn�t even get the standard fan club type hand stamped signature glossy photo of him. I felt like such a tool for even entertaining the idea that a star would see my letter, and be so touched that he�d actually write me back. I never did it again. Until I left that message on the guest board. Why do I feel like a weenie? Well first, does this guy even really read this stuff? Probably not. Second, even if he did he�ll see that I called him sexy. Yea big deal. Me and probably 20,000 other woman that watch that show. And yet, there I was typing away. I�m too old for this foolishness me thinks. I mean, I never wrote to Dave Matthews and I�d gladly carry his love child. So where was I? Do I think the guy is hot? Oh yea, do you think I think he gives a flip. No. Come on people, I�m a weenie but I�m not delusional.

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