You know you're special when your neighbor comes over after putting in hours at the office, takes one look at you, sits you down, makes tea, then proceeds to clean your kitchen. Uh oh, I better clean up cuz I think my psychosis is showing. Heh. No but seriously, it really made me feel good despite all my incoherent babbling. I have spent so many years trying so hard to be the friend. Being there when needed, offering the shoulder for any tear that might need to be shed. I have made the phone calls, offered the invatations, cooked the meals, and just trying to be a good person. And for more years that I can remember back no one outside of my own family, has had no hint of such an inclination to respond back to me. I'm not needy. I'm not the geeky girl who picked her nose in Jr. Hi or wore orange courdaroys, Michael Jackson t-shirts and lavender Members Only jackets. (Mine was gray, thank you very much)

I don't know what happened after High School or college, but somewhere after that my social life went kaput. For as much as I was there for everyone else in need, it would've been so nice for one of them to call me up. Ask me, how the hell are you? A simple gesture. You start to question yourself and your personality when it becomes apparant that nobody wants to even hang out and girl talk or gossip or even BS with you anymore. Did I reach a nerd status theat even I am not aware of? Am I too mature? Am I too immature? Did I get too drunk that one time? I don't know. What I do know is this, after many years there is a woman who is young and smart, creative, and funny and she comes over to MY house because she likes to hang out with me to just talk. She is interested in how Im doing. She is non judgemental and we can kid around. She was in her slacks scrubbing my kitchen foor on her knees. She saw that I am in a bad way, and came by to help and just be a friend. It's just been so long I'm glad you can't see me because then you might see me cry and think I'm a nerd. However, I am one thankful nerd.

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