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baby, baby, lemon
2007-05-28 - 8:28 p.m.

Sex always puts me in a better mood. Hence, today was pleasant. We went out to eat at a local Japanese restaurant for some beer and sushi. Yes, there are actually a few oriental restaurants here. Thereís even a KFC although Iím told itís not the same and the chicken is typically waaaay undercooked. Still it was nice to get out sans kids since they had school. Oh yea, speaking of raw, I was watching Wife Swap last night (I know I now itís sad) Anyway, one family was all about eating raw food which I thought was cool and healthy till I saw them eating raw chicken and brushing their teeth with butter. Iím sorry but ew. I can see cleaning with vinegar and raw veggies and what not but raw eggs and raw chicken? You crazy. To each his own I suppose.

I think I have had problems lately because itís nearing the big move again. I always get antsy around this time. Everything is supposed to go just right. On top of it all I have something BIG and life altering (sort of) on my mind. We had planned to have one more child when Em turned 3. For many reasons it didnít happen. Basically he changed his mind at that time and I became angry and resentful for a long time.I felt like I was lied to and cheated out of the perfect family I wanted. Now that Em is pushing 8, he is ready. I am too but then Iím not. Iím overweight, I have unresolved issues and Iím not sure I can do it all again. And yet, Iím looking at baby names and wondering what if. Itís such a hard fence to sit on and my ass hurts from being here so long. We head off to Spain next. I donít know what it will be like or what to expect. I'm excited and scared shitless at the same time. I donít know what will happen next but I do know that the pull for that baby is growing stronger by the day. And to think I had one daughter just go to prom the other night. What am I thinking? Am I even thinking?

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