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baby, baby, lemon
2007-05-28 - 8:28 p.m.

Sex always puts me in a better mood. Hence, today was pleasant. We went out to eat at a local Japanese restaurant for some beer and sushi. Yes, there are actually a few oriental restaurants here. There�s even a KFC although I�m told it�s not the same and the chicken is typically waaaay undercooked. Still it was nice to get out sans kids since they had school. Oh yea, speaking of raw, I was watching Wife Swap last night (I know I now it�s sad) Anyway, one family was all about eating raw food which I thought was cool and healthy till I saw them eating raw chicken and brushing their teeth with butter. I�m sorry but ew. I can see cleaning with vinegar and raw veggies and what not but raw eggs and raw chicken? You crazy. To each his own I suppose.

I think I have had problems lately because it�s nearing the big move again. I always get antsy around this time. Everything is supposed to go just right. On top of it all I have something BIG and life altering (sort of) on my mind. We had planned to have one more child when Em turned 3. For many reasons it didn�t happen. Basically he changed his mind at that time and I became angry and resentful for a long time.I felt like I was lied to and cheated out of the perfect family I wanted. Now that Em is pushing 8, he is ready. I am too but then I�m not. I�m overweight, I have unresolved issues and I�m not sure I can do it all again. And yet, I�m looking at baby names and wondering what if. It�s such a hard fence to sit on and my ass hurts from being here so long. We head off to Spain next. I don�t know what it will be like or what to expect. I'm excited and scared shitless at the same time. I don�t know what will happen next but I do know that the pull for that baby is growing stronger by the day. And to think I had one daughter just go to prom the other night. What am I thinking? Am I even thinking?

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