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Kelly's Mom
2007-03-28 - 11:17 p.m.

So, sitting here drinking crown royal with lemon juice and listening to my ipod, Iím feeling like a real tool. I was just listening to Stacyís Mom and thinking of it as Kellyís mom. Yea, like I really got it going on. I never thought Iíd look like I was 45-50 at the ripe old age of 35. I can fantasize though, canít I? When I was young I didnít notice if anyone saw me or not. Now that Iím older I am acutely aware that they are not. Freakin-A man, I am not old. I go to concerts, I drink like a fish, I shake my groove thing (even if it is like a white girl) when the hell did I fall into ďoldĒ status. I just want to scream fuuuuuuuck. But that would be immature, nes pa?? Itís just the way I feel at the moment. Damn ipod with all my old tunes and damn the marines for all being in fucking diapers when I was listening to a lot of this stuff. Iím still angry about the weekend when the 20 something group (of 3) came in and took off my tunes and switched them for not only music of this century but some sort of rap. Dude, the only rap I know is Eminem. Anything before that was Run DMC, DJ Jazzy Jeff + Fresh Prince and MC Hammer. I was pissed at the way they handled that. Like, step aside old broad, the party is in da house!!

I was stewing in the middle of the night thinking ďbitch, shave 10 years off me and Iíll take you out anywhere, anytimeĒ. Later when I woke up I thought, dude, I am old if I need to shave a decade off to bring it on. Sigh.

Iím not willing to let it go yet though. Iím 35. Man, I still got like 15-20 years before hotty turns into ďmature sexyĒ right? Right? Ah kiss my ass. Yeah, thatís the way I feel at the moment. Kiss my wide, white freckled ass. No, not you. Just anyone who thinks 35 is old. Just wait till you get here. Pfft.

Iím having a crisis at the moment. I was watching ďStand By MeĒ and thinking. Will Wheaton didnít grow up to be hot. Sorry Will, but you didnít. River died before hitting full potential and Cory. Cory I totally loved you growing up. I loved Dream a little Dream and wanted to do you. But the last I saw you were on some cheesy reality show whining and crying about your new wife. That kind of killed it. Chubby kid who played Vern? You grew up to be hot and totally do-able but due to alcohol, I canít remember your name. You were on Sliders and Crossing Jordan. What the hell is your name??

Sublime- What I got. The song on my ipod now. I want to be 25 again. Fuck.

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