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2007-03-16 - 10:12 a.m.

This is something that I think about often. I mean, I started writing here years ago because I wanted to be a writer and I wanted some sort of acknowledgement for the things I wrote about. Then, as time went on and I moved to another country I wanted to use my diary as a way of letting my family keep up with me. Still, at my very core, I wrote because I wanted to be a writer. In school, people used to read my short stories and tell me I was pretty good. I thought, well since I have nothing to get published (let alone a publisher) I’ll start here. I’ll see what I get.

Funny thing is I don’t get much feedback at all. Not many readers either. There are a few very popular blogs I’ve been reading over the years and sometimes I’ll admit, I envy the “popular girls”. They write on something and wind up with anywhere from 75 to 500 comments. I think, damn I wish I had that. I understand that they are given a lot of flattery and with that, a lot of criticism as well. I wonder which the worse fare is. I wonder why MY readership is down around 5 a day and 3 got there only because they were googling Pocahontas.

What if I were one of the “popular girls”? Could I handle it? Could I handle the pressure that seems to be attached to it? When I say pressure I mean when you know there will be hundreds if not thousands of readers a day popping in to see what new, fun, witty anecdote you have, how do you keep it up? Even a cartoonist only required one strip a day has “off” days. What about the criticism? Would I take it well? Would I cry and whine that some people don’t like me? Or would I laugh it off, telling the computer screen “No, yer a hoser, eh.”

I dunno. For me, I write and sometimes I’m a little funny, sometimes a little snarky, and sometimes a little stupid. Sometimes I pour my heart out and sometimes I bitch but I’m always writing with the thought that I am a writer. When no one reads and no one comments (well a handful of special people do) sometimes I take it to heart. I wonder, what’s wrong with my style? Is it boring? Bad grammar? Lack of big words most people don’t use in conversation but put in blogs to show that they are indeed educated? Not enough feeling? Not enough adjectives? I give up. What? I would even get trolls over here to tell me I’m a narcissist if it meant that shit, at least someone is paying attention. I hate putting something out there and seeing that no one is interested. I hear crickets in the background. Once about a year or two ago these people on a site called Bitchfest came here to take a peek. After browsing through my work all they came up with (and this is a site known for ripping blogs apart) was that I was a tool for watching Dr. Phil. Although I was thrilled to be mentioned and linked the one time I felt like I must be a total loser if all I got was “she’s a tool” Hell, I’ve said that about myself for years.

If I sound like I need a little cheese with my whine, I’m sorry. I have just had this on my mind for awhile. And I ask you, if you were writing and putting it out there which would you prefer tons of readers and comments both good and bad or nobody coming going or speaking at pretty much anything you have to say? I personally would be fine with a middle ground but if not that, I’d like to be on the popular list for a little while.

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