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D'oh!
2007-03-08 - 7:26 a.m.

I may have dark roots but I am still a blonde. I feel like the biggest tool in the box today. I am sulking out of the corner with my dunce cap on just long enough to type todayís entry than I will go back and wait for further punishment.

See I gave the internet shit because well, sometimes I do. Not much but sometimes. In my last entry I talked about that special place in hell for non-commenterís when a dear sweet friend of mine (Thanks Bonnie) pointed out that my comments section was locked only to members. Erm, oh yeah, two years ago I was getting a lot of bad casino spam in my comments so I locked it down and forgot. Iíd blame it all on the acid I did in the 60s but Iím only 35. My bad.

I wondered why nobody ever said anything for so long. I changed my settings so now everyone is free. Free to speak their minds. So if anyone wants to come here and give me a shpankiní, have at it. I deserve it. You know you want to.

In other news, remember how I said my jaw dropped when I got that check? Well, by nightfall, I was in such a state of shock that I could barely stand. The phone rang and thinking it was the neighbor we picked up. Lo and behold it was the kidsí Dad. I heard his voice and could only stutter. I couldnít speak. The shock had stunned me into stupidity. Even Glen was speechless. When I did manage to have a conversation he apologized for a lot of things. I told him I was angry and hurt at how he handled things and hurt the kids. They didnít deserve it. He agreed. I said it would take a lot of effort and time to repair the damage but if he was willing, we wouldnít object. Itís been 8 months.

I had a lot I had planned and prepped and planned to say when the time came if he ever called but it disappeared into oblivion with my shock. He had expected me to yell and scream and fight but I just donít have it in me. Now donít get me wrong, Iím not stupid. One call doesnít magically erase the past. I am still very, very leery. But it was a baby step and it meant a lot to the kids that he was willing to take it. Weíll see if he continues to take them but weíre not holding our breath. We just have no desire to hang onto anger.

Something else has had me bothered with yet another ďfamily memberĒ but Iím not sure whatís going on with that and am waiting to see what pans out if anything. I have tried with this person over the years to keep a connection and gotten pretty much nothing in return. I never spoke my mind when they hurt me and just let things go. But if they are using their kid now to hurt mine well, if you have a problem with me, hereís your chance. Say it. Otherwise, youíre a coward. I have not said or done anything to you or about you or the family that would promote this kind of treatment. Nor have the kids.

Anyway, if Iím wrong Iíll apologize. If Iím not, well, Iím not sending you anymore Christmas cards, so there.

OK. Iím done. Going back to my own special place in hell (the corner) to redeem myself for being a big dumb, stipid head.

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