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2006-12-27 - 11:19 p.m.

Ok so itís after 11 at night and Iíve been drinking gin and tonic. Go figure. I plan to ramble on. If you donít like it wellÖ thereís a scant few that come here anywho and this outlet is for me.

I have my ipod on. Almost 400 songs and 4 out of 5 remind me of the ex that wonít disappear. Iím not sure where I am with that. I talked to his current lady (been with him on and off for 11-12 yrs) a few days ago. I used to hate her. Till I woke up and realized he played us. We hated each other for so long. I donít hate her now. She believes what she needs to stay with him. I wonít argue it with her. There are children involved. I talked to her though. She said she always hated me because I wasnít over him. I told her she was right, sort of. For years, I wasnít over the boy I fell in love with and had 2 kids with. But as I told her, that boy no longer exists. I hate for anyone to be unhappy like that. Even her. At any rate, after all this time I had wished her a merry Christmas and hopefully a better new year. Believe it or not, I meant it.

Anyway, I have been down and out as of late. Food poisoning is a bitch my friend, a bitch. I didnít get the award at work I was nominated for and a 3 inch cockroach found its way up my ass and back. Not the week Iíd hoped for. On the bright side, the kids are happy enough and tomorrow we hit Kribi. Itís a beach place here in Cameroon. I need a vacation so bad right now. So tired of the mundane.

Thatís why Iím drinking the gin at 11 at night on the computer.

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