All grown up and no place to go
Psyche 1, psyche 2
What do you know?
All your life is channel 13
Sesame Street
What does it mean?

~Billy Joel

I�ve been thinking about this for awhile. It�s been going on for so long and I still don�t have the answers. I find myself staring into the fridge looking. Looking for what? Something to munch on. I�m not even hungry. I�m aware I must have some sort of void or hole I�m attempting to fill. No amount of Cheetohs is going to do it. My problem is trying to figure out what the hell the void is. I�m fairly happy, I suppose. I have a job, my kids are pretty good, my husband is my best friend, and I have other friends. I have a busy social life and yet�.yet something is missing. Something I can�t put my finger on.

I used to suffer from the �if only� syndrome. Like, if only my acne would clear up, then I�d be happy. If only my teeth were whiter, if only I�d lose 40 pounds, and so on. But each time those things were accomplished I still didn�t feel good. Or right or just, I don�t know. I�m in a good place in my life but I feel hollow. I don�t understand it. It�s like there is something out there I�m meant to do or be or accomplish and I just have no idea what it is. Kind of like being depressed without having anything to be depressed about. This sucks. I have no deep insight into my self. I�ve reached no epiphany and I don�t see it coming anytime soon. Especially since I don�t know where to look. Well, it�s too much to think of for one day so for now I think I�ll just surf the net and slip into my happy place.

1 comments so far

Previous - Next