All grown up and no place to go
Psyche 1, psyche 2
What do you know?
All your life is channel 13
Sesame Street
What does it mean?

~Billy Joel

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. It’s been going on for so long and I still don’t have the answers. I find myself staring into the fridge looking. Looking for what? Something to munch on. I’m not even hungry. I’m aware I must have some sort of void or hole I’m attempting to fill. No amount of Cheetohs is going to do it. My problem is trying to figure out what the hell the void is. I’m fairly happy, I suppose. I have a job, my kids are pretty good, my husband is my best friend, and I have other friends. I have a busy social life and yet….yet something is missing. Something I can’t put my finger on.

I used to suffer from the “if only” syndrome. Like, if only my acne would clear up, then I’d be happy. If only my teeth were whiter, if only I’d lose 40 pounds, and so on. But each time those things were accomplished I still didn’t feel good. Or right or just, I don’t know. I’m in a good place in my life but I feel hollow. I don’t understand it. It’s like there is something out there I’m meant to do or be or accomplish and I just have no idea what it is. Kind of like being depressed without having anything to be depressed about. This sucks. I have no deep insight into my self. I’ve reached no epiphany and I don’t see it coming anytime soon. Especially since I don’t know where to look. Well, it’s too much to think of for one day so for now I think I’ll just surf the net and slip into my happy place.

1 comments so far

Previous - Next