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What are you hungry for?
2006-12-05 - 8:49 a.m.

All grown up and no place to go
Psyche 1, psyche 2
What do you know?
All your life is channel 13
Sesame Street
What does it mean?

~Billy Joel

Iíve been thinking about this for awhile. Itís been going on for so long and I still donít have the answers. I find myself staring into the fridge looking. Looking for what? Something to munch on. Iím not even hungry. Iím aware I must have some sort of void or hole Iím attempting to fill. No amount of Cheetohs is going to do it. My problem is trying to figure out what the hell the void is. Iím fairly happy, I suppose. I have a job, my kids are pretty good, my husband is my best friend, and I have other friends. I have a busy social life and yetÖ.yet something is missing. Something I canít put my finger on.

I used to suffer from the ďif onlyĒ syndrome. Like, if only my acne would clear up, then Iíd be happy. If only my teeth were whiter, if only Iíd lose 40 pounds, and so on. But each time those things were accomplished I still didnít feel good. Or right or just, I donít know. Iím in a good place in my life but I feel hollow. I donít understand it. Itís like there is something out there Iím meant to do or be or accomplish and I just have no idea what it is. Kind of like being depressed without having anything to be depressed about. This sucks. I have no deep insight into my self. Iíve reached no epiphany and I donít see it coming anytime soon. Especially since I donít know where to look. Well, itís too much to think of for one day so for now I think Iíll just surf the net and slip into my happy place.

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