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May the bird of paradise fly up your nose
2006-04-26 - 4:07 p.m.

It started to rain sometime around midnight last night. Bulbous drops of water savagely pelted our tin roof. Somehow, I slept through it. I think Iíve grown used to the rhythms of the rain even with the echoing of the roof. Glen mustíve gotten up around 2:30 or so. I didnít notice until after 3. I woke up from some startling aspect of a dream and noticed the empty space in bed. I slept walked downstairs and cracked my eyes open just long enough to see Glen on the couch watching Tim Allen with his foot stuck in a bucket.
ďThe rain woke me and now I canít sleepĒ
ďWell, I can. GínightĒ

Kiss sounds that came out more like puh sounds. But thatís about all you get from me at that time of morning. I went back to bed and was in a dreamless state until the alarm went off at 5:30.

Each morning I have the same little rituals and today was no different. I made my way down to the kitchen to start the coffee. Glen was in the shower. I spilled coffee grounds and water again. Then it was time to gather up all the vitamins that I planned to take with an apple and bottle of water to work. I turn off the security chime and go unlock the back door. I go back into the kitchen and the coffee is about half done. My coffee cup (which holds roughly half a pot of coffee) is in the same place as it is every morning. Pooh, Piglet and Tigger are all smiling at me from the second shelf of the cabinet. I think my housekeeper positions it that way as if to tell me ďHave a nice dayĒ to start the morning off good. I pour coffee. I made it too strong. I always do because I never measure. I used to like it sweetened with flavored creamers but since Iíve been here I seem to have acquired an aversion to most things sweet, especially in the morning. Makes me want to hork. So I grab my coffee and cigarettes and head for the back porch.

Itís still dark outside. Not quite pitch black but close. I look at the palace up on the hill. Itís usually lit up at night. I think I mentioned that itís in the shape of a crown. It has a soft glow this morning. Thereís a montage of different birds breaking through what could have been a peaceful silence. But you know the early bird gets the giant mutated African bug. You can hear the sounds of at least 10 different species all going at once each with a very distinctive call. The only one thatís really annoying is the crow. Among all these cheerful little twitters in the hack-scream of the crows. They are huge and black but with a white breast. The remind me of flying, squawking penguins. I take deep drags on my smoke, sip coffee and stare out over my 8 foot concrete wall as the silhouettes of the palm trees appear. I hear an engine start. Must be 6 oíclock. Itís like clockwork every morning. A dog barks in the darkened distance. I light up another one and just sit trying to remember the dream I had the night before. I fart and get embarrassed even though there is no one around to hear me be so unladylike. Glen comes down to have coffee. I rub my eyes. Well, I drag my hand down my face and stretch it out.

I shower and brush my teeth. I step on the scale, I step off the scale. I step on again just in case the numbers miraculously change in that 30 second time frame. I stare in the mirror. Every morning I look and I wonder how I got this old this fast. I see creases and lines where there werenít before. If I get my face to close I can see my pores and I half imagine my reflection making a face at me other than the one Iím making. Kind of like a scary movie freaky face type thing. I creep myself out and back away from the mirror. Tomorrow I will do the same thing no doubt. By the time Iím dried off and have my undies and bra on, its 6:30, time to wake the kids. I usually like to come in and do a cheer or sing a song while jumping on them but some days itís more than I can muster. I do manage do drag my wet hair across their faces. They say they hate when I wake them but I always catch a secret smile on their face as they attempt to keep their eyes closed tight. They donít fool me.

So I get dressed put on some make-up and itís off to work. The tunes on the iPod this morning were ďWhatís that you say?Ē by Sprung Monkey and ďWhat It TakesĒ by Aerosmith. Then we are at work. The CLO lady says Iím so skinny now and that she wants to work out with me sometime. Thanks I say as I head for the office. I start up the computer and then go let in the CHAR guy (janitor). I have to escort him and watch him clean because I am in a secured area. After heís done I go get rid of some coffee and manage to get pee on my hand. Again Iím embarrassed even though no one knows but me. Yes, I washed my hands. Iím so tired this morning. I have to fill in for the secretary of the Ambassador this morning during a meeting. Itís boring sitting there even with mail to sort and papers to staple. At least thereís cake and cinnamon rolls for after the meeting.

Today is OMS (Office Management Specialist) Appreciation day. I was treated to a wonderful 4 course meal at the DCMís home. I like fancy meals but it forces me to slow down instead of wolfing down my food like Iím wont to do. Plus I have to remember my manners and put a napkin on my lap. I donít know why since food usually hits my boobs before my lap but you know I wouldíve appeared to be an idiot if I tucked it up in my blouse. I got a rep to protect. Now THAíS funny since I probably had a reputation of being a first class tool from the moment I opened my mouth when I got here but you know, I like to think Iím cool..

Its 4 oíclock now and Iím at the end of the work day. Itís too late for a nap. American Idol comes on at 6 though. Iím so glad Ace is gone. For all his looks that boy could not sing for beans. Well maybe he coulda been a Backstreet boy or something but thatís about it.

Tomorrow I will wake up and do more of the same. Not too bad for a day in Africa. Although, not near as exciting as one would think.

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