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I'm a weenie. Yea, I said it.
2005-05-20 - 9:01 a.m.

There are two recent incidents that have had me feeling like a total weenie. The first has to do with my esteem and the second well, youíll just have to read on before you can say Yup, sheís a weenie.

The first was yesterday when my husband came home to share a whimsical story about how this marine (the one who flirted with me) was totally tongue tied and drop jawed over a young girl who walked by. Me being a woman with a wonky thought process that runs like a train till it wrecks started thinking (and saying),
ďOh sure, kick a woman when sheís down. Remind me that no one is gonna drop their jaw when I walk by. Itís cuz Iím old and fat right? He only flirted with me to humor my old fat butt, is that it?........Ē and so on and so forth.

You get the picture. And then I cried. And I donít even have PMS. My poor husband. He just thought something was funny and I turned into all about me and my newest issues. I think some of it might have to do with me going off the juice last week. I slipped into my old habits of salami sandwiches extra cheese and chips. I have felt like emotional spew. Just proves once again how what you eat affects the way you feel. At least thatís my excuse for now.

The second weenie moment came when after watching another episode of General Hospital. I have never watched soaps my entire life. Since you all know I have 6 channels during the day channel surfing is limited. I came across this soap with this really hot guy being held captive in a cabin and I was hooked. This is not like me AT ALL. But this guy, his dark skin, tattoos and dark penetrating eyes justÖwell yea. He sort of reminded me of like a brother to Dave Matthews. His name is Tyler Christopher. Anyway, I have watched this soap for a year and even caught him in an episode of CSI where he took on this southern accent and dressed like a cowboy. Hamina hamina haminaÖ Alright, so the weenie part. I found his official web site and actually left a message to him in his guestbook. OK so when did I turn 12?

When I was 12 I wrote a fan letter to Rick Schroeder and sent it to the address I got straight out of Tiger Beat magazine. He never wrote back. I didnít even get the standard fan club type hand stamped signature glossy photo of him. I felt like such a tool for even entertaining the idea that a star would see my letter, and be so touched that heíd actually write me back. I never did it again. Until I left that message on the guest board. Why do I feel like a weenie? Well first, does this guy even really read this stuff? Probably not. Second, even if he did heíll see that I called him sexy. Yea big deal. Me and probably 20,000 other woman that watch that show. And yet, there I was typing away. Iím too old for this foolishness me thinks. I mean, I never wrote to Dave Matthews and Iíd gladly carry his love child. So where was I? Do I think the guy is hot? Oh yea, do you think I think he gives a flip. No. Come on people, Iím a weenie but Iím not delusional.

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