The juice has really been helping out a lot. One of the things I have noticed is that is diminished my desire for alcohol. I am sugar sensitive so I get bad cravings for certain things, No, not just the booze but things with sugar or carbs. A good book that explains people like me is Potatoes Not Prozac which talks about how we react to certain foods and why it can be worse for sugar sensitive people. Anyway, I have had a little more energy and I�m way more regular. I know some of you, probably most are saying �well, duh� It�s not like I don�t KNOW the benefits of raw fruit and vegetables. I just never really bothered with it.

I watch a lot of Oprah mainly since it�s all I get during the day but the other day she said something that hit me. It was about how when you feel physically stronger it empowers you. One of the things I noticed about myself when I gained all the weight was how I no longer felt like the tough girl I once was. The fat slowed me down, physically and mentally. I started to feel weaker and eventually that became a reality. I think that�s part of why it has been easy for me to be so submissive. It�s the weakness. I�m working on overcoming that. Of course there is exercise involved but I�ve finally discovered the connection between my body, my mind, and my personality. It�s a small step but at least it�s tangible and I can work with it. I know that when I feel physically stronger (note I don�t necessarily mean thinner) my mental strength will come back. It�s what I need.

I was talking to my neighbor recently and it came up that I am trying to discover who I am. I don�t know who to be, what I�m expected to be or what I want to be in regards to who I am as a person in this lifestyle. She said she noticed I seem to go in these up and down cycles that go full circle each year. I never really noticed. I�m 33 and no where near figuring it all out. It�s ok though. I�m working on it.

And now a song snippet that is irrelevant to this post:

Sister Christian, oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one to say, OK
Where you goin', what you looking for
You know those boys don't want to play no more with you
It's true

{Refrain}
You're motorin'
What's your price for flight
In finding Mister Right
You'll be all right tonight

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