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I'm motorin'
2005-04-25 - 9:21 a.m.

The juice has really been helping out a lot. One of the things I have noticed is that is diminished my desire for alcohol. I am sugar sensitive so I get bad cravings for certain things, No, not just the booze but things with sugar or carbs. A good book that explains people like me is Potatoes Not Prozac which talks about how we react to certain foods and why it can be worse for sugar sensitive people. Anyway, I have had a little more energy and Iím way more regular. I know some of you, probably most are saying ďwell, duhĒ Itís not like I donít KNOW the benefits of raw fruit and vegetables. I just never really bothered with it.

I watch a lot of Oprah mainly since itís all I get during the day but the other day she said something that hit me. It was about how when you feel physically stronger it empowers you. One of the things I noticed about myself when I gained all the weight was how I no longer felt like the tough girl I once was. The fat slowed me down, physically and mentally. I started to feel weaker and eventually that became a reality. I think thatís part of why it has been easy for me to be so submissive. Itís the weakness. Iím working on overcoming that. Of course there is exercise involved but Iíve finally discovered the connection between my body, my mind, and my personality. Itís a small step but at least itís tangible and I can work with it. I know that when I feel physically stronger (note I donít necessarily mean thinner) my mental strength will come back. Itís what I need.

I was talking to my neighbor recently and it came up that I am trying to discover who I am. I donít know who to be, what Iím expected to be or what I want to be in regards to who I am as a person in this lifestyle. She said she noticed I seem to go in these up and down cycles that go full circle each year. I never really noticed. Iím 33 and no where near figuring it all out. Itís ok though. Iím working on it.

And now a song snippet that is irrelevant to this post:

Sister Christian, oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one to say, OK
Where you goin', what you looking for
You know those boys don't want to play no more with you
It's true

You're motorin'
What's your price for flight
In finding Mister Right
You'll be all right tonight

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