Just call me Mat for short
2005-03-30 - 10:36 a.m.
I have spent years trying to do the right thing for my kids by trying to appease my ex and that woman he has shacked up with and I always walk away feeling like a major door mat. I think I am about at my wits end. Last night was the clincher. It was minor but enough to make me feel Iíve had enough.
Iíll start with a little history of the other womanís background. We sat by each other in 10th grade biology years ago. She was always picking on me and making fun because I was from California and was then living in Oklahoma. I didnít fit in. At any rate she was always taking opportunities to point out my differences. Nothing big, just very annoying. Some years later we met up she was married to some army guy and I to my longtime boyfriend. We both had baby girls. We saw each other for a day. Move ahead another year or two and she is now split up from husband and living in a well known drug house. During that time I was going through my own problems that led to my marriage breaking up. She leached on to my ex and got pregnant 6 months after I left town. At that time he was sleeping with LOTS of girls so she was not exclusive with him. He even left the state before she gave birth. He was still trying to get back with me and even moved to CA to be with me again. She was not happy with this at all. But hey, weíd been together 8 years and had 2 kids. What did she expect? Their relationship was based on a lot of partying. It didnít work out between he and I (another story) so he went back to OK. The baby was about 6 or 7 months old by then. They were together on and off since then. She has a violent temper. She tried to run him over with a car before and is very prone to drinking, pills and violence.
He and I always talked on the phone trying to remain friends. We talked about the kids and just general stuff I suppose. She always HATED this. She felt that once we split up it shouldíve been mutual hate and the end. Well, we have 2 kids. I was 1,500 miles away and happily living with someone else. Even after I got married and had a baby she still couldnít handle me and him talking. I took the kids out to stay with them when they were 4 and 6. Not more then 4 days after they got there, she ran outside with a hammer to accost her neighbor. It ended with some sort of huge fight involving 12-17 people on the front lawn. One boy was hit in the head with the hammer and had to be medivacíd to the city where he was having seizures and in a coma I think. He was 14. My ex spent the night and jail. There had been a lot of blood and fighting and my 6 year old saw half of it before someone stuck her in a bedroom with the other kids. My kids were freaked to say the least.
The next time I took them back they were 7 and 9 He was split up from her so the kids had a great time getting to know their dad. Iím even forgiving the years in between of broken promises like heíd see them on their birthday or take them to Disneyland. Or the fact that heíd gotten a settlement and bought a small house and car and sent the kids nothing. Iím forgiving all the times he got their hopes up then dashed them. Anyway, they got to know him and love him more. They were looking forward to the next trip back.
When he found out we were getting into the state dept. he decided he wasnít going to sign papers to let them get passports and go. At that time he owed me around 12,000 in arrears for child support. He came to CA. (first time since they were 4 and 2) to fight for part-time custody. My family was very kind and hospitable toward them just the same. We gave them free Sea World and zoo tickets. Let the kids stay in the hotel with them. We had them over for dinner, etc. For the kids sake.
Two summers ago he was due for yet another settlement. This time the money he owed me wouldíve come out of it. They threatened, pleaded and cried for me to sign away that money and they would give me 4,000 in cash. I, like a sucker did. I needed braces for the kids. When I got there I got 1,000. I bought the kids school clothes and whatnot. I still spent 3,000 on my plane ticket, rental car and hotel stay. They let me hang with them one day then she couldnít handle it and wanted me away. They begged me to lower the child support from 600 to 250 for 2 kids. And again like a pushover I did it. They never paid that either. Last year I took them back again and again it cost be the better part of 3 grand. My husband took out a loan and they took it from his paychecks. We just paid it off last month. While I was there they told the kids they didnít want me in the town while they were there. Like Iím going to send my kids around the world alone. They knew I was eating lunchables out of a motel fridge and never once invited me over. They got in a fight one night and my kids were so scared they wanted to climb out the bedroom window and run. They made me feel like shit for being in the town.
So anyway, they want the kids there this summer. I wanted them to come to CA. where weíll be on home leave. They can stay in the hotel. I did it 2 years in a row. I have to save money for the move and a new vehicle. Itís one thing starting over in new house when you move but Iíll be in Africa. Itíll cost way more to get settled. There is so much more regarding the ways sheís acted. She has threatened to slit my throat and screamed obscenities at me on more than one occasion and no, I never returned the immaturity. I stayed away, I stopped calling. I give in to what they want to keep the peace. On to last night.
He called as I was walking out the door. He wanted to discuss this summer. I asked if heíd be around for awhile and he said yes. I said Iíd call back in 30 minutes to an hour. He said ok. When I got back home and tried to call I was hung up on 3 times without them saying a word (they have caller id). Then they just didnít answer the phone. I have a suspension that it was her probably in an argument with him and not wanting him to talk to me. I donít have time for this kind of crap. I never call them I never bother them. They havenít paid me any child support in well over a year. In fact, in 10 years I havenít even been paid a years worth and I donít say anything. I know this money is my kids right but again, Iím trying to keep peace and since we are doing better financially then them I let it go. So this stuff? Man, just answer the phone and say nowís not a good time. Iím calling from Austria for craps sake. Sorry this is soo long. I just needed to get it off my chest. Iím a nervous wreck have the time as it is over this stuff. Now Iím just pissed.
Christmas time is here... - 2008-12-24
What? I'm still here?? - 2008-09-08
Stay hair and weight for me! - 2008-06-21
The post that finally arrived. - 2008-06-14
Under the WTF?!!? files - 2008-03-07