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T-T-T-T-Too Much Time on My Hands
2005-01-29 - 9:09 a.m.

Last night I tried a few remedies to insure a good nightís sleep but they all backfired and had the complete opposite affect. I was awake all night long with stomach cramps and a nasty headache. I was up for most of the night. Luckily, I did manage to sleep through the 3 oíclock hour so when I was awake (oddly enough) I wasnít afraid.

OK so anyway, on one of my umpteenth trips to the bathroom a song popped into my head that I havenít heard since I was 13. Just the main verse was floating around:

Eat my shorts
May you choke on polish? Cotton
Eat my shorts
Everything we had is rotten
And baby, baby Iíll see you in court
Just eat my shorts.

And itís dark and itís night and I had nothing else to do but sit there so Iím thinking, ďwhere the hell did that come from?Ē and Iím quietly humming it and thinking. Who sung that? Oh yea it was the guy who sang Disco Duck when I was like 9. We had that album. Disco, disco duck quack, quackÖ.Who was that guy. Rick somebody. Oh yea Rick Dees. And he was on Solid Gold with the Solid Gold dancers and Dion Warwick with all her teeth and Elton John was on there once. The Solid Gold dancers always wore those really skimpy shiny gold booty shorts. I wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer then came this show that had the Fly girls just like the SG dancers but this other show had Homey the clown and he donít play dat. There was the two gay guys that did a triple snap in Z formation and the burned up fireman named Bob. I think JLo was a fly girl. I didnít want to be a fly girl by thenÖÖMan where did that come from?

So I left the bathroom and climbed into bed. I hadnít thought of Rick Dees or those songs in probably 20 years. So I figure we must really remember everything or at least absorb it. It just stores itself somewhere in the brain and thatís why it can just randomly pop up in your head after 20 years while youíre on the toilet at 4 in the morning.

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