Get a hive in 2005!
2005-01-04 - 6:29 p.m.
As you may know the number one most popular New Years Revolution is to lose weight. Yea, it seems everyone always wants to drop a pound or two. I wonder how many people actually pull it off. Anyway, I'm always one to want to join the bandwagon hayride so I made it my resolution too. Well, it's more of a continuation from last year but still. I got my pedometer, had a contract made, vowed to walk 10,000 steps a day (yea right) and so began my journey. Todays' Dr. Phil was all about weight loss and "Get Alive in 2005" or something to that affect. I am motivated baby. I already walked two days in a row! In a row!
Today was day 3. Did I go for a walk? Oh yes I did. Glen and I took Scooter with us too. The little dog (bless his heart) does not know that it is ok to simultaniously be on a leash AND poop. I don't know why but he cries and whines and waits to get home to go in the yard. Well, since I'm walking anyway, I decided he needs to learn to do his business on a leash to in case the need should ever arise in our travels. I fed him real well then gave it about 30 minutes to be sure he'd really have to go. The idea was that he wouldn't be able to hold it any longer and relieve himself and we in turn would praise him so he knew this was the thing to do.
It's been pretty cold here and today also included the MOTHER of all winds on top of the cold. We had on our ski jackets, hats, gloves, etc. and left. The wind was enouh to push us along some of the way. We decided on a fairly long walk to make sure he'd "go" so we headed through the vineyards and then up through these cottages and past a park. We had to slow down to give him time and still he didn't go.
Halfway through the walk I had to pee. Now for those of you who know me that means I have to pee "RAELLY BAD, RIGHT NOW". My bladder is weaker then Olive Oyl arm wrestling against Wonder Woman. It was find a place or pee my pants time. We were near a restaraunt. I went to use the bathroom. Locked. And no one was around. Damn. So we just had to make it to the vineyards. I will squat and whiz if I have to. There's no shame in my game.
We get to the vineyards and there is this small bridge abbove a little cement ditch about 3 foot high by 2 feet. I told Glen to be my look out and I hopped in so as to not moon any pilots overhead or whatnot. I relived myself and sighed. When I jumped up I banged my head on a metal pole and was knocked dizzy for a couple of secs. Glen asked if I was ok. I shook my head and said yea and then it hit me. The stinging, burning sensation that was spreading from my knee up to my right butt cheek. "Holy Crap!!!" Glen looked at me. "What?" "My ass is on fire! The burning Aaaagh!" I turned and looked at the ditch and didn't see any thing but grass and some small plants. Tears were cornering my eyes. I kept slapping at my butt and leg trying to make the pain go away. Don't ask me why I'd think that would work. Glen told me to hurry on ahead.
It was close to 2 miles to get back home. The pain was like glass cutting my skin. I walked in the house and head Kelly assist me. "Wht's wrong?" "I don't know, my butt on fire, I stopped to pee and..and.." I pulled my pants off and she saw whelps on my leg from thumbprint to palm print size covering my leg up to my butt cheek. "You sat in stinging nettles. Did they look like mint leaf?" "Heck I don't know. It burns." "Yea, stinging nettles."
Glen came home and saw it and said "oh, geez. Go take a bath." I went and soaked in the tub for 30 minutes and scrubbed with soap. When I got out the whelps were still there and so was the pain. Glen dabbed them all with Aveeno. That didn't help. It is now 6 hours after the fact and the whelps are STILL there and it still stings and burns. I thank Bob I didn't get any of that on my HooHa. Oh the agony.
On another note Scooter refused to poop on the walk but instead opted to go in the backyard. At least he was still on the leash so that's a start. There is a lesson to be learned here folks. If you have a weak bladder don't take your dog on long walks unless he's already properly trained for the task. Or else make your New Years Resolution something about being nicer to strangers or cleaning out the basement or something.
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