Back in Black, I hit the sack, I betcha know I�m glad to be back, Well I let loose, from the noose that�s kept me hangin� about�.

Yes, folks I am back from my 2-week stint in wonderful Duncan, Okla. It was bittersweet to say it best I suppose. There is so much to say and yet I am not sure if I can say what I want to adequately enough but I�ll do my best. There are several topics on this trip that I would like to address so bare with me, Ok?

On the actual flights:

Do you know how much it truly sucks when it takes 24 hours to hit your final destination when you simply can�t sleep on a plane? Or how freaked out you can get when you are stuck in a metal tube in the air for a 9 hour stretch? How about 4 hour lay overs in airports with several 40-pound carry-on bags and 2 miserably tired, cranky kids? Yea, it was a real treat. Both on the way there and back I was exhausted and disoriented beyond belief for about 2 days after the fact. Good thing we only do this once a year. On one flight, they ran out of chicken for dinner so we were offered what the first class people were having. It was duck. Duck in a weird sauce with a slice of Brie on the side. We ate it but the kids and I certainly weren�t digging the duck. We did get to watch Starsky and Hutch, Shrek 2, and Garfield the Movie during our flight. I did not drink any booze either, although, it might have helped.

On Men in Bars:

While I was staying at the ever-pleasant H*liday Inn where the ashtrays are clean and the towels are oh-so fluffy, I visited the nightclub for my share of complimentary cocktails. My sister came from Calif. To stay with me for a week so we were trying to stay entertained as best we could. During this week, there were many men from other states staying there as well. Since I have gained so much weight, I have often felt insecure with myself and wondered what it would feel like to get the attention of many men. You know the saying �Be careful what you wish for�? Well that definitely applies here. 10-12 different men must have hit on me during the course of my stay. I would think I�d have been flattered. Instead I ended up feeling dirty and annoyed. I suppose it wouldn�t have been so bad except for some of the lines these morons used. Men, if you are trying to impress a woman lines like �If you stay the night, I�ll make you breakfast on my hot plate�, �I see you�re good with a pool stick, wanna play with my stick?�, �You aint had nothing till you�ve had coonass�, and �I may not be much to look at, but I have had a stripper� will not, I repeat not, get you anywhere. Oh and Mullets are waaaay over with. I had men calling my room at all hours �What�re you doing? Wanna drink some beers?� I had them coming to my room. I had to hide my car around the corner and keep the lights out just to be left alone. Yes, I do like male attention, but not that kind. A bunch of idiots. I�d tell them I was married and they�d say, �I�m married too!� Like that made it all OK. What a disappointment it was.

On My Ex:

I was expecting the worst out of this trip and I wasn�t disappointed. It was sad in it�s own way but time has a way of changing people and not always for the better. The kids didn�t get the quality time they had hoped for and they simply weren�t crazy about his girlfriend at all. They saw their father in a new light that I had hoped would be avoided until they were much older. I don�t want to go into much detail about him or his life because it�s kind of sad and really, his own business. I met up with men who once upon a time looked up to and admired him and now think he is kind of pathetic. It saddens me to see what he has become because I know that at one time in his life he had so much potential and it seems he has let it all go to waste. I think now most of my deepest feelings have been laid to rest. It has taken me a long time to get over all the hurt, pain, love and anger I have harbored. But I know that what I have felt was for the person he was all those years ago and not for the person he is. I no longer know the person he is. I�m letting go and it feels like a tremendous weight is lifting. I just really feel bad for the kids because they don�t know this man either. He didn�t even know how old his daughter was. But on a good note, the kids are now better able to appreciate what they have here with Glen and I.

On The Trip As A Whole:

All in all for me it wasn�t so bad. I got to see my sisters and other family members and spend time with them. I got to eat at Taco Bell (but I threw up both times) I got to do some shopping. I spent a lot of time with my ex-mother-in-law. She is a wonderful woman with a good heart and I love her to pieces. I enjoyed all my time with her. I wish we could have done more but it was nice just hearing her laugh. I watched fireflies light up the night and caught sight of a passing armadillo. I listened to a big thunderstorm from my room. I swam in a pool. Two men selling tomatoes with a big sign that simply said, �Home Grown�, humored me. I was slowly letting go of the past and surprised that the pain was very minimal. I listened to my Billy Squire cd. It just seemed to work there. I won�t be making the trip back next year. It�s time to take a break. I�m not sad for that either. I feel like I�ve done all I could do for so long and now it�s time for a break. I am glad to be home now and have a newfound happiness with the life I have. I have always known I was doing better but the reality of it is so much stronger after making this trip. I have no regrets.

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