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It's mid-life but it aint no crisis
2004-06-16 - 6:36 p.m.

Last night I watched the movie Say Anything with John Cusack. I love that movie. I have my two favorite parts that I am sure are the two favorite parts of any hot blooded girl who has ever seen the movie. You know, where he is in the car with her and they are intimate for the first time and he is all sweaty and literally physically shaken from being with her. Your Eyes is playing on the radio and he is all shivering and you just wanna lick the sweat off his forehead andÖ. well maybe thatís just me.

Does that really happen? Do guys really get all jell-o-y over a girl? Itís never happened to me like that, not exactly anyway. I wouldíve loved to know what it was like to have that type of affect on a man. Then when they broke up and he stands outside her window and blasts that song. Sigh. I wish that we were allowed more than only a few moments like that, the excitement and the newness of a relationship. The intensity that drives you insane but calls you back for more and that deep desire that fills you up, like the intensity in his face because he wants her back. Mmm.

I was driving to the dentist today and listening to my Journeys Greatest Hits cd (I love that cd) but I was having one of those moments where I was longing for my youth, for the time when I was 18. I wanted to be there again. Just for a little while. I wanted to feel that carefree rock-n-roll spirit. I wanted to smoke a cigarette. That time before kids, soccer, dinner, weight gain, and aging in general. Iím not saying I donít love my family or where Iím at. I just have those moments every now and then. I miss that feeling I had once upon a time. I know that itís been replaced with better ones but I miss the simple ones now and then. I miss driving along in the country as everything gains a tinted orange as the sun set. I miss smoking my cigarettes and listening to the old rock station. I was thinking of nothing more than the music, the smell of the air, and the next drag.

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