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I'm So Happy Cuz Today I Found My Friend, In My Head
2004-04-05 - 9:57 p.m.

Today marks 10 years since the death of Kurt Cobain. And 10 years is not much more than yesterday to me. I remember in Dec. of 1994 Nirvana was peaking it seemed, and on tour. I was 6 months pregnant with my son but dressed all in black and flannel and boots, just with a big belly poking out. My sisters, brother, ex and I joined the masses to see Nirvana in concert along with Chokebore and Butt hole Surfers in San Diego. Bobcat Goldthwait was doing a little stand-up between bands and he was also the MC. The whole arena was general admission but being pregnant, I decided against the mosh pit. It was a kick ass concert except for the Butt hole surfers. I thought they kind of sucked.

Standing there with my eyes closed letting the music move me where it would, I remembered the first time I�d ever heard of Nirvana. It was Dec. 14, 1991. The day I�d given birth to my daughter. I was nursing my newborn and lucky enough to have cable AND my own room. I was the ripe old age of 20 so my program of choice was Mtv. I remember this video came on with this good looking blonde with hair in his eyes singing about teen spirit and what it smells like. I was thinking hey this is pretty good, different from my AC/DC, Ozzy, Van Halen days of High School but good.

The music seemed to create a new era of flannel clad angst-y teens. It was the start of grunge and it was great. I really connected and began listening to Green Day, Jane�s Addiction, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Alice in Chains, Sound Garden and whatever else I could. I remember those days well.

I believe it was the day Kurt died that my sister Melissa, our friend Bonnie, and I went to Balboa Park to the Space Theater for the grunge music laser show. Everyone in line was anticipating the show yet dumbstruck as to why such a talented and young guy at the height of fame would take his life? And he had a wife and a baby. Why? It seemed he had so much to live for. I�d JUST seen him in concert. Like that alone would be reason for him to live.

My daughter was listening to a cd of hers a few weeks ago of some new teen angst band of the decade and they sounded just like Nirvana. I don�t remember the name of the band but I did tell her that they sounded like Nirvana and I pulled out one of my cds from a long ago collection and played it for her. She �tripped out� as I used to say once upon a time. I told her how I saw their video the day she was born. Apparently she�d heard that story before.

Today reminds me of how sad it is that we have lost so many talented people before their time. I wonder if it is the price of fame. I always wanted to be famous. I don�t think I�d want to pay that high of a fee though. God, has it been 10 years?

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