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I'm So Happy Cuz Today I Found My Friend, In My Head
2004-04-05 - 9:57 p.m.

Today marks 10 years since the death of Kurt Cobain. And 10 years is not much more than yesterday to me. I remember in Dec. of 1994 Nirvana was peaking it seemed, and on tour. I was 6 months pregnant with my son but dressed all in black and flannel and boots, just with a big belly poking out. My sisters, brother, ex and I joined the masses to see Nirvana in concert along with Chokebore and Butt hole Surfers in San Diego. Bobcat Goldthwait was doing a little stand-up between bands and he was also the MC. The whole arena was general admission but being pregnant, I decided against the mosh pit. It was a kick ass concert except for the Butt hole surfers. I thought they kind of sucked.

Standing there with my eyes closed letting the music move me where it would, I remembered the first time Id ever heard of Nirvana. It was Dec. 14, 1991. The day Id given birth to my daughter. I was nursing my newborn and lucky enough to have cable AND my own room. I was the ripe old age of 20 so my program of choice was Mtv. I remember this video came on with this good looking blonde with hair in his eyes singing about teen spirit and what it smells like. I was thinking hey this is pretty good, different from my AC/DC, Ozzy, Van Halen days of High School but good.

The music seemed to create a new era of flannel clad angst-y teens. It was the start of grunge and it was great. I really connected and began listening to Green Day, Janes Addiction, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Alice in Chains, Sound Garden and whatever else I could. I remember those days well.

I believe it was the day Kurt died that my sister Melissa, our friend Bonnie, and I went to Balboa Park to the Space Theater for the grunge music laser show. Everyone in line was anticipating the show yet dumbstruck as to why such a talented and young guy at the height of fame would take his life? And he had a wife and a baby. Why? It seemed he had so much to live for. Id JUST seen him in concert. Like that alone would be reason for him to live.

My daughter was listening to a cd of hers a few weeks ago of some new teen angst band of the decade and they sounded just like Nirvana. I dont remember the name of the band but I did tell her that they sounded like Nirvana and I pulled out one of my cds from a long ago collection and played it for her. She tripped out as I used to say once upon a time. I told her how I saw their video the day she was born. Apparently shed heard that story before.

Today reminds me of how sad it is that we have lost so many talented people before their time. I wonder if it is the price of fame. I always wanted to be famous. I dont think Id want to pay that high of a fee though. God, has it been 10 years?

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