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And She's A Swinging Kind Of Gal
2004-03-07 - 7:32 p.m.

I was sitting at dinner and I had to undo my pants for "breathing room" when I thought, 'I ought to give her a name'. My belly, that is. Gertrude. I named my flab Gertrude after the little old woman whose boobs hung to her bellybutton and she never wore a bra. She was like 80 years old with these mushy, sagging boobs to her belly button. When I was about 4 or so I remember being fascinated with her squishy boobs and the sagging skin under her arms. I'd sit on her lap and be entertained for hours.

So I thought that would be a nice name for my belly flab. Gertrude. I announced it at the dinner table to everyone. They all looked at me like I was nuts. I told them they could call her Gertie for short. Gertie and I are becoming fast friends. I don't know what brought it on, maybe it was the enchiladas I'd just ate.

Anywho..Kelly wanted in on it and asked me to name her belly. So I decided to call it Stella. SHe liked Stella. I even hollered "STELLA!!!" In my best anguished voice, but, she didn't get it. Emily wanted to name her little belly Homer which is the name we gave to Dads gut. We haven't decided on Dylans yet.

Well, me and Gertie are going to really get to know one another as I am signing up for the Weight Blasters thingy at the Embassy. I simply can't wait to get on the scale and let everyone who wasn't aware just by looking, that I am a little overweight. But me and Gertie, we'll have a blast. We'll laugh, we'll cry, we'll weeble AND wobble, we'll starve and strain and then we'll get in shape. Ah, good times ahead.

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