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You're OK, I'm Souffle'
2004-01-08 - 9:30 a.m.

You know what? I hate the word diet. I really do. I hate all that it implies. It seems to be saying, "With me, you are limited. You will have to curb your desires along with your appetite. You cannot have the things that taste good or make you happy. You can not feel good. Oh and, have a carrot. It's good for you." Nope I don't like to diet. I don't like to THINK I am "dieting" because then I go all freaky and eat everything in sight for fear it'll be the last time. As I cram cookies in my mouth and them wolf down some nachos I think, "good-bye. (sniff. sniff.) I'll miss you. (sniffle.)" Then I feel all guilty for being a glutton and resolve to spend the next day on water and carrots alone. Only to go through the same routine. Such a vicious cycle. And excercise? Well, I have to visiulize what I intend to do. Get a mental picture and map out my imaginary plan. Like, when I wake up tomorrow I am gonna bust butt cleaning the house, I am going to do all the laundy and run up and down both flights of stairs 10 no, no, 15 times! And I will do sit-ups. Yea. I'll do 50! And stomach crunches. Ooh yea, then I'll be in the zone. I'll do it everyday this week. Starting tomorrow. I get myself all mentally psyched up. I think you know where this is going. Yes the next day, I drag out of bed and wonder what the heck I was thinking. I made it up and down the stairs twice. I semi cleaned one room. I started one load of laundry. Sit-ups? Kiss my lard butt. I want to go back to bed. And here we go again.

See what I'm dealing with, with myself? You know what the first step to overcoming be crazy is? To sit back and say, Yup, I've lost it. I'm nuts. From there, you can move forward. I haven't quite yet got past admitting it though. Anyone know what step 2 is? How many steps are there till you reach sanity? Will you know it when you get there? Really though, I'm rather comfortable with my looney status. Makes me unique. Charismatic maybe even. What was I saying again?

Ah yes, I hate sourkrout.

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