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Feeling a little lighter now
2003-09-04 - 10:31 a.m.

This weather here is awsome! It went from summer to fall in literally a day. The teperature has dropped enough that I can wear jeans again (no shaving legs for me! Yeehaw!) and all the nifty sweaters I have. In Autumn colors even. Oh yes I love the Fall. I'm scenting my home in Hazlenut and pumpkin spice now and wearing my favorite tea spice and pumpkin spice body sprays. It gets me in the mood.

I was thinking, I read alot of journals and a few are people I even know personally. Everybody says what they want to say or what they feel or if they are in a bad mood etc. Sometimes, I think maybe I seem boring or maybe I put across that my life is just cushy. I guess because, some people close to me read this, and they only want to know everything is good. Don't get me wrong, for the most part everything is good. I do have issues like everyone else. I gues I am just not brave enough to voice them yet. But sometimes I want to, so badly.

Yes, I love Vienna and yes I love my home. I have made some friends. I haven't had any friends since high school really. That is a plus. My past is very spotty. There were many very difficult hurdles that I had to conquer to get where I am. I am still climbing a long and hard road. I have battled pain, addiction, abuse, eating disorders, loss, depression, etc. I have Tourrettes Syndrome and I make barking sounds (cant help it) If I am over tired the right half of my body likes to do a little dance of it's own. I tend to be O/C and I can't remember where I am or what I am doing half the time. I put these things out and already I feel nervous. What might people think? Maybe, just maybe, I am like most everyone else.

I hate being overweight, but I hate dieting. I am trying to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin and still attempt good habits. I started smoking when I was 14. It'll be 5 years in December since I quit. I try to be a good example for my children. I am honest with them when they choose to come to me with a question. Because of that, they never fear looking to me for answers. I try to teach them compassion, and kindness and the benefits of laughter and a sense of humor. I recognize them each as idividuals. I love them and there is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for them. I am by no means perfect, but so far, they seem to be doing just fine.

I believe that evry parent should find there own style of parenting and what works for them. I'm all for new ideas, however I do not want them enforced on me. Parenting styles vary as much as children do so I find it hard to believe there is only one correct way. What works for one child doesn't for another. I know what works for me and my children. I wouldn't dream of telling someone else that that is the only true way to parent. There are many ways. Just had to get that one off my chest.

I am not into politics. I choose not to be. Maybe I should as my vote also counts towards my future but for the time being I don't get into it. I guess it is more of a trust issue. Besides, here in Alanaland, we like it peaceful and where everyone gets along. I am not ignorant. I just don't like politics. That I just had to share.

Well, now that some of that is out of my system, I guess I can move on. Oh and you want dirt? There is a guy here who I have a secret mini-crush on. Nothing major he is just cute is all. Hope that is juicy enough cuz for now, that's all you get.

Right now, all my kids are in school. I thought it would be so great once they were all in school. I would have all this free time to do whatever I wanted. But now I am kind of lonely. I want a puppy. And a cookie.

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