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There's No Place Like Home
2003-08-15 - 7:23 a.m.

I am back home now. Vienna has never looked SOOOO good to me. It's good to be here folks. Let me stress this. I. Am. Back. Home. Ahhhh home. My vacation? My two weeks in Duncan, OK?? Hmmmm. Where does one begin? Give me a sec. There is so much to say but only so much I CAN say. You realize, I had to take the kids back to see my ex and their bio-dad. So let me think. Sigh.

To begin with, the flight there included 3 plane changes, 3 layovers, 18 hours, bad plane food, no sleep, and then an hour and a half drive to the loverly Duncan. It rained on the drive and I was exhausted. The temperature there was a comfy 109F for most of the time there although the heat index went up to about 120 at some points.

When I drove up with the kids the first thing R did was hand me some money. So he scored points there. I initially thought I was going to get screwed in that department. It was nice that I wasn't. The first day was pleasant enough. I got to see all of my "family" that I had once lived with since I was 16.

There is a new addition to the family too. Liberty Kaye was born on the 4th of July. She is a darling. Everytime I held her, I longed for another infant of my own. I love the way they smell. That sweet baby smell. Lonnie (my ex BIL and his wife Amanda are the proud parents. Cheslyn has grown to be quite the lil cutie as well. I saw Josh and Matt. (nephews). They have grown to be such handsome young men. But when I look at them all I see is the children they were. I felt right at home with my ex- MIL and FIL. I have always adored them. I always felt like one of their own.

Day 2 went fine as well. I tried to give R his space but he and S insisted on me joining the group for lunch and bowling. I reluctantly went. I did have fun though. I eased up and thought that everything might possibly go well. Day 3 my sisters came from California. I had some fun with them. We went to a kareoke bar in the sticks where everyone sang country. We attempted dixie chicks as a trio but failed miserably. heh. I dont do country too much. OK ever. We ended with I touch myself and had a dozen rednecks follow us to our vehicle begging us to stay. Oh ok so it was more like 2 or 3 but still.

Then we went to Spirits and got jiggy with it till the cops came and cleared the place out. Wild night let me tell ya. Not really wild enough for police but it was fun.

Once my sisters left, well 2 of them, R and S started letting their true colors show. Well I think it was more S then R but a pain just the same. I was even asked to stay away from the family. That cut like a knife coming from him but I guess he had to appease her or live with the consequences. He wasn't aloud to sit and talk with me without her getting on him to come in the house with her. I would hate to live with that kind of insecurities. I mean, yes, he and I still have feelings for one another that I imagine will remain. We have children together after all. But there isnt anything there that we would act on.

Well, I stayed away and gave space to them. I had one really wild night with my sis Tara but we wont discuss that here. Chubby girls gettin jiggy at the bad bars. Oh it's ok. I went to church Sunday and redeemed myself. But hey. No kids and an expensive trip just to have the ex's ball and chain get her undies in a knot. I had to have some fun on Tara's last night there. Ok so she left at the end of week 1.

Then I was alone. Week 2 got depressing. Taco Bell is no fun if there is no one there to enjoy it with you. Even though I was at the wonderful Holiday INN with the indoor pool and the Heros restaraunt, I no longer wished to relish in it like I had planned on. I stayed in my air conditioned room with my little fridge and microwave for 2 days. Maybe 3. I watched cable tv and HBO. I ate frozen burritos. I moped around. puh. I longed for home. My daughter and my husband. I wanted to have my man with me because I knew he could show me love and affection. He could make me smile and be happy. He would dance with me. Instead I sat alone. I moped and pitied me for having an ex who could be seemingly cold. Towards the end I got out of my funk and tried to make the best of things. I visited my best friend from high school, Lisa. I have never had a best friend like her, since. It was like I never left for that one day. We talked about everything, Our kids, our marriages, our lives and how they've changed, religion, morals, friendships and just...life. It was so good to talk to her and feel at ease. I didnt worry about her judging me. She was my best friend after all. I still keep in touch with her. You don't let go of the good things in your life. And she is one in mine.

Only a couple of days left so I went and got the kids and went to a movie. Pirates of The Carribean was not yet showing in Duncan. That was another big disappointment. I wanted to see it so bad. We settled for SpyKids 3D. The kids liked it but it was a killer on my eyes. But I had been so lonely without my kids. Just spending the time with them made me feel better. And only a couple of days left till we went home. I brought the kids back.

S left temporarily to visit a friend or something so he was able to step outside and speak with me for a few minutes. He apologized for earlier behavior but explained he didnt have much of a choice as I would be leaving and if he wanted peace he would have to appease her for the time being. Seriously, he has my condolences on that one. But then she returned and bayed him to come in or face her wrath. At any rate, I felt better.

So the last day, I packed and waited till evening to pick up the kids. It was an evening filled with tears. The kids and the rest of the family. I took pictures that I will post in the next day or 2. I love the family, I really do. I grew up with them. I think of them often. I have many memories. And Warner was so cute with the baby birds the kids found. He hand raised them while we were there. Boug and I went to a gaming place. I lost. but he is my little brother. I love that I can still joke with Lois and make her laugh. Maree still calls me Goofy. These were the highlights. Of my trip. The times that made me miss them.

All in all I guess it wasn't too bad. The kids got to know their dad a little more. I didn't die of heat stroke. I got the kids school clothes. I got to hold Liberty. I had more disappointments then I cared for but I had a few good times too. But you will never know, how glad I was to get on the plane to take me home. Home is where my heart lie waiting. Home where my love lies. Home.

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