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Sometimes, it sucks to be me
2003-07-14 - 11:13 p.m.

I am not an angel. I am no where near perfect. But I have this gnawing thing going on in my gut that always twists and turns telling me to 'do the right thing'. Sometimes I don't even know what the right thing is. But I do what I THINK would be the kind thing.

SO this time I believe I got took again. My head told me I probably would but, gut wrenching heart aching I follow their lead.

This time I gave up 19,000 dollars. I know many of you are saying "what the Fu????" but yes it is true. My ex hasn't paid child support in 7 of the 8 years we were seperated. Yea, that adds up don't it. He was to recieve a settlement in a high dollar amount. There was a lein on the settlement ensuring I would get the back pay. See where this is going? Even though we had a rocky past and I do mean rocky and even though the money was rightfully owed to me for his kids I waived my rights to it and let them have it if they promised to give me 4,000 for the kids badly needed braces. They would send me a notarized paper if I would do the same.

By the way it is costing me 3 grand to take the kids for visitation and he said he would give me 500 but so far, nope nothing. And I already baught the damn ticket.

I sent the paper as I am a woman of her word. And yup, you guessed it. Not a word from them. Not. a. freakin. word. They went to the lawyer right away and settled. I believe they got their check. They were spotted at the casino this weekend. They threw a big b-day bash for his son with her. Sent our son a card with some stickers for his big day in March.

And me? There is a big stamp on my forehead that says shmuck. I know we are financially a little better off than they are which is why I agreed to help. But it's not fair.

I figure they have no intention of giving me a dime and I have lost all respect I had for that man. I am very close to not aking the kids and trying to get a refund on my ticket.

I am so tired of the hurt and the lies and the pain and bull that he continues to send my way. I am sick of myself for always trying to believe him when I know better. I am sick of always trying to do the right thing. Unfortunately it is who I am and the only way I know how to be. And hopefully, someday God will say it was best that I did what was right.

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