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2003-07-10 - 6:04 a.m.

I went to sleep at midnight but then I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. I lay awake worrying. Worrying about the phone conversation that's going to take place today with the ex. I don't think he will be pleased at all. Oh no, not at all. But I gotta do what I gotta do. Which in turn makes me worry about the impending trip out to where he lives for the kids visitation. I'm afraid it won't be so pleasant. I don't know why I have to feel bad for asking for less then what is rightfully mine, or my kids to tell the truth but he wants me to expect nothing and smile. It isn't fair. I blame it mostly on that she-devil he is with but also him for not having the cajones to stand up to her. He NEVER had a problem standing up to ,or going against, or walking on me. Oh well, ancient history. Sigh. I just wish it didn't have to be such a pain in the behind. So here I am at 6 in the morning. Stressing and making a little vein above my left eye pulsate. Bah.

Well, in other news, the dinner with the bosses went well. I was ever so charming and fixed a very large meal of their choice. Terry, Glens current boss brought me a yellow rose bouquet. I don't get flowers that often so I was all giddy. Yea I said giddy.

Which reminds me of the time I met the heavy metal band Jackyl some years back. I was standing in front of the lead singer and I said, "I'm all giddy!" and he gave me the queerest look and asked "Did you just say 'giddy'?" in a way that made me feel like I said whippersnappers or something.

Ok so anyway, the bosses were pleased and not a single burp passed my lips in their presence. I'm happy to say that. And of course, I refrained from picking at wedgies and scratching my butt. My parents would be so proud. The only set back was when I asked Glen how old the new boss was so I could plan the music and drinks accordingly. Glen said oh he is in his 50s. So I'm thinking based on the cds I own CCR would work with some margaritas and coronas. When they came to the door I saw a man who looked to be 70 which is probably real close. Geez and Im standing there asking if he wants a margarita while "Bad Moon On The Rise" (or Bathroom on the right, heh) is playing. I knew full well that wouldn't be his choice. Man I wanted to kick Glen in the shin for that call. I quickly made some tea and searched for some more mellow music. Not many choices in that dept. Glen has probably 100 cds but they are all 80's Metal, big hair bands. I have a bigger variety but it's still not for a 70 year old. Paul McCartneys Greatest hits was the best I could come up with. Oh well. I filled him with food and got him high on pie. When they sat back down I thought that any minute one of them would undo their pants.

But then the old one was about to doze off, I think, so they were taken home. My first Embassy dinner that I hosted. Ok, so it was only for 2 people but they are the semi-bigwigs and I pulled it off. Yay me.

Also, I have been putting in an hour on the Nordic Track AND wearing one of those plastic, trashbag-type sweat your butt skinny suits. I hope I will be down a size or 2 by my birthday. Ya never know.

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