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Softball and How I got to be Pocahantis
2003-05-13 - 8:26 a.m.

You know what? When you are old and out of shape, you should really think hard on jumping into sports. Let me put it this way, the doctor (yes I said doctor) said there should be a law to ban office jockeys from being Weekend Warriors. Well, it's not as bad as it sounds. On Mothers Day Glen took me out to play softball with a group of his co-workers and a small group of Austrian men that wanted to play too. Now, I havent played softball in 5 or 6 years. I am a tad on the chunky side now too. Staying on the treadmill for 30 minutes has been my only sport. If I were in P.E. my grade would be a D at best. Ok so anyway, we go to play. I was jazzed that I can still catch and throw the ball. My first time at bat, I actually hit the ball and made it to first. Right now I am very top heavy, sort of like an up-side-down weeble wobble and as I ran images of me going boobs first into first flashed before my eyes. Lucky for me, no such incident occurred. After that, my batting sucked eggs totally. Drawing inspiration from a movie as I walked up to the plate I announced to the 2 teams, THESE are spirit fingers (waving fingers) THESE are gold. Someone hollered Bring it on! I swung, and boy did that sucker go! Rolled right to the pitcher yessiree. And the Austrian guys said oooohhhhh. Those flirty Austrians.

Glen was on the opposite team. In all these years I had seen him play volleyball once and that was nearly 4 years ago. Imagine my suprise when he knocked the ball right outta there. But in his boyish excitement he managed to run into another player rounding to third and he fell and sprained his ankle. For awhile there he was Mr. Baseball. Now he is a gimp. Or Glimp as I like to call him. All in all it was alot of fun though. My team won by a run. Heh. How's that for a Mothers Day??? My joints are KIIIILLLIINNNG me today and it's tuesday. But the memories will last a lifetime.

Ok anyone up for just how goofy I am? Of course you are. Well, the other night, after the kids had gone to bed I was cleaning the kitchen and made myself a mudslide. Just one. You know Baileys, Kahlua, Vodka, and milk. And it was in a small glass. Well I am a little bit of a lightweight and already naturally goofy. Glen comes down, unaware that I had the one drink and asks me to walk the dog. I said Shooooorrre. I was barefoot. Not unusual for me since I am 1/4 country. Besides I was only going to cross the street and go to a small patch of grass so no big deal. I get up there (theres a hill) and my dog is sniffin about when 3 Austrians stop with their dogs to chat. They were speaking to me in German. My head was spinning and I did the usual Smile and nod thing. I didnt want to spoil the moment by letting them know I was clueless. I then walked farther up the hill. They were going the opposite way so I figured I'd wait for them to disappear then turn around and go home. Well, they decided to turn back around and walk up the hill. All I could think of is "Shit, if they talk to me again it'll blow my cover! They'll KNOW I am a clueless american." Not that it matters but I like to pretend I am native so I fit in. Corny, I know, but to know me is to love me. So in my panic I run up the hill toward the trails. Then as I'm standing up there, slightly buzzed I decide what the heck and unleash the dog and head down a pitch dark forest trail. I decided I was Pocahantis and my dog was my faithful raccoon companion. Being barefoot and feeling the earth beneath me feet I started to really get into it. I couldn't see a thing in front of me and had to rely on my other senses. I crept around the woods pretending to be Pocahantis for a good 45 minutes. Hell, I would've sang that song from the movie but I forgot the words other than somethin somethin somethin blue corn moon....somethin somethin colors sometin of the wiiiinddd....I got to the end of the trails and leashed my faithful racco....er dog and then padded up the city streets to my house. When I got there Glen was gone. I sat in the kitchen and waited. 10 minutes later he came in the door slightly freaked saying where were you??? What happened? I looked at him and sighed. "I had to be Pocahantis because I can't speak German" All he could say is "oh..."

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